And....

Im back. Because Im bored. Desperately bored... Meh

In the midst of my mocks, which funnily enough is rather relaxing compared to everyday school. Got a friend of mine getting some booze for tomorrow (hopefully), planning to get completely smashed; business as usual. Dont really know if it will alter anything, but I sorely miss the cynical detachment from my personal emotions that alcohol brings, the ability to dispassionately, albeit not so objectively, judge oneself.

Feel kind of stupid for getting that goddamn suit for maskebal, but whatever. I look suprisingly cool in it, and it will last me for a couple of years after Im out of this shithole, so wasnt entirely a waste. Started playing guitar again on a more active basis, basically because these days I feel like my life really has no meaning, and I need to fill it up with something. Playing the "Hey there Delilah" song, and some Oasis; kind of sentimental stuff, but I like it. Hopefully going to expand my horizon over the next couple of weeks, learn some new songs...
Having weird problems falling asleep, was sitting around at 2am yesterday writing a wall of enormous text of an introspective nature. Yup, its weird, and nope, I dont particularly enjoy it. Guess its just a state of mind that recent events have put me into. In the words of immortal genius of Lermontov:

И скучно и грустно, и некому руку подать
В минуту душевной невзгоды...
Желанья!.. что пользы напрасно и вечно желать?..
А годы проходят - все лучшие годы!
Любить... но кого же?.. на время - не стоит труда,
А вечно любить невозможно.
В себя ли заглянешь? - там прошлого нет и следа:
И радость, и муки, и всё там ничтожно...
Что страсти? - ведь рано иль поздно их сладкий недуг
Исчезнет при слове рассудка;
И жизнь, как посмотришь с холодным вниманьем вокруг -
Такая пустая и глупая шутка...

Dont feel like translating it for the unslavic readers of this, look it up. I sincerely hope that Im alone reading this, but these days you never know.

Haha talked to Greg yesterday about stuff, was vaguely hoping for some clarity at last but got a pile of shit as usual. Guess I cant expect any form of definitive answer to anything. Anyway, who cares. I dont really have any form of emotion about the incident, just feeling numb. Actually I have problems experiencing any form of feeling right now, feeling just cynical and a bit dead inside. Lol guess thats just things going back to normal. Probs going over to Gregs for the upcoming weekend, planning to go clubbing or something, will hopefully provide ample distraction. Sceptical about any form of success, but hey good things happen to even the weirdest people, so one can always hope. And whatever happens I can allways just get shitfaced.

Haha still havent given in my last econ IA if cecilia accepts it tomorrow I will be pleasantly suprised, dont really care about the quality as long as I get it done.

Essentially at the moment I feel like shit, look like shit, and behave like shit. Haha got several people pissed off at me because I just snapped at them. Well whatever it is that ails me I sincerely hope it will be over within the next 1/2 weeks, because its not worth it. Afraid that my tendency to overexaggerate anything in my life (due to the intense boredome that forms my everyday routine) means that I probably will be in this weird mood for a bit longer, but meh.. Whatever.

Have been thinking about Nicolas's "Easy peasy" advice, it makes me laugh every time I remember it...

Also gregs "Hearthstone" warning... Guess that all my friends have some form of wisdom :P

Contemplating if I should post that long wall of introspective text I wrote yesterday... Hmm will continue contemplating...

Talked to Nicolas about the future prospects of my social life at Uni, he gave me some valid advice. Was quite funny talking about it, cheered me up a bit in a cynical way...

Anyways going on to live my boring depressive life :P

bye blog.