stupidity

Went to tanken with Greg. Was in a reasonably good mood, got some of my randomness back :)

When we came back he started pestering me to get him Coldplay - The scientist. Apparently a deeply emotional song for him... Lol he told me why, and it somehow made me so sad. Went upstairs, did some work, listened to coldplay. I know it is rather stupid, I mean here is a girl that was never honest with me, never told me a word of truth, and when I spilt out all my feelings for her she just sent me an sms saying she changed her mind and expected me to be all puppy happy for friendly socialising again. It seriously fucked me up. But I still care. Its annoying, I dont want it to be like that, but I cant help it. Im trying really hard to forget her, to not write to her every time I go onto facebook, to not just pretend that I forgive her. Its hard for me. Its hard to be a good friend to greg and not to feel insane spikes of jealousy and sadness every time he mentions her, which he does all the time of course, I can see how much feelings he has for her. I wish I could just put everything behind. But what she did was not just hurtful, it was disrespectful to me on a fundamental level.
I cannot demand feelings from her, that would be wrong of course, and I can accept her rejecting me (hey, thats what Im experienced with - rejection), but elementary respect for another human being, some elementary sense of dignity, that is something that I require in a person I would consider close to me, if even only as a friend. I still cant believe that everything she ever told me was bullshit, but thats the only way i can interpret her behaviour, and it saddens me. I really hope Greg does better, but then he will no doubt. Im just an asshole who doesnt know how to behave.

I guess Im just doomed to bear the brunt of this whole thing until the end of school, or until I get drunk and score enough times for cynicism about relationships and girls to kick in.

Hey, at least Im listening to coldplay on a regular basis again :)